Wednesday, June 13, 2007

R is for Rickshaw

Epi-Curious' Law #1: The quality and taste of a meal is inversely proportional to the weight of the portion served.

Corollary A: If you are given a free sample and it tastes bad, don't actually purchase the bad food based on feelings of guilt or obligation.

Tuna, Hula Girl and I braved the parking lot and the spillover from the Hobo Village to visit The Rickshaw, Oriental Express Dining. 15 years ago I reviewed Rickshaw for a different publication, saying something like "so what if it's a little greasy...It's cheap, close and filling!" Like a hooker down on her luck, the years and the guests have not been kind to Rickshaw. It's still close, filling and relatively cheap, and now more than a little greasy and absolutely inedible.

The Process:

What can I say? Rickshaw is close, really close to the office. It's one of two places within walking distance, the other being a chain pizza place. We don't eat there very often, I'd venture to say the last time I set foot in there was easily four years ago when Doc was just beginning his Atkins diet kick and would order up the half pig of BBQ pork. He swore by the stuff...I swore at it. But now, I'm the guy who can't even fit into his own pants and Doc has dropped a few sizes and looks, frankly, HOT! Hands off, ladies, he's taken.



The Chow:
Greasy, fetid, nasty tasting. At nine bites, Tuna ate more of his meal than anyone else. I had two bites and Hula Girl had five. I probably would have eaten a bit more, but once Hula Girl started in on how the rice smelled and tasted (recall the hooker mentioned earlier and think feet) I just couldn't stomach another bite. Faced with pan after pan of fried items, I thought I'd play it safe and go with the Sweet and Sour Pork. Wrong. Very wrong. I'm definitely off of pork and have no desire to partake of the pig anytime soon. Hula Girl chose the Ginger Chicken which sounds nice and tasty...but wasn't. I wasn't going to put it my mouth after Hula Girl talked all kinds of trash about it. That'd just be dumb. I was over by the office window photographing the food while Hula Girl was tucking into her meal. After a couple of bites of rice, the descriptions started coming fast and furious, and I could taste every horrible flavor...and then some.

The Wrap:
The lowest rating ever should say it all. Three tenths of a point. Blech. I'd rather starve than have to eat there again.

The Rating: .3 out of 5.

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